What's in a name?

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

Do you ever think about the name your parents almost named you and wonder if you would be a different person had they named you that?

I identify so strongly with my name, Anna. But if my parents had named me Jaqueline, would I be the same person? (My Mom was a big Jackie O fan.) I can’t even imagine walking around telling people, “Hi, my name is Jaqueline.” Would I go by Jackie? Jack?

Before I started school, my entire family called me by my middle name, Maria, or my full name, Anna Maria. But I remember starting Kindergarten and telling everyone that my name was Anna. Throughout school, I was called Anne, Anna Marie or Anne Marie. Half of my honor roll or band certificates have my name spelled wrong and it used to infuriate me.

What if my parents decided to call me by my Thai name, Namphon or น้ำฝน? Would people have perceived me differently having a Thai name? Being mixed (Thai, Lao, and a English/Scottish/Irish/and then some on my Dad’s side) is core to my entire identity. And what people see or don’t see when they look at me has made me feel lots of things that either can make me really happy or disappointed. It shouldn’t be a surprise that a lot of people thought I was Mexican because of my ambiguous ethnic look and the name Anna Maria. (Thanks to my West Side Story loving parents.)

When I had kids of my own, I was so excited to pick out their names. And really hoped when they grew up, that they would like them. I knew a lot of kids growing up who just hated their names and would go by nicknames or middle names. It’s kind of weird to think we get named by other people, and then can feel like we have to go through our entire lives identifying by a name we didn’t even give ourselves. So far, my kids seem to like their names. Hard to imagine them as Henry, Harrison, Lincoln or Ramona - right??

In this age of technology, when we get to choose a name that appears on a Chat or a Social Media account, we enter new territory. Where we are the ones deciding for ourselves what people call us. I started minalovesbows on Instagram (actually minascloset first) to sell Mina’s clothes and then sell my handmade bows. And as the business owner, it became my online identity too. People still call me Mina sometimes or get confused when I introduce myself when my instagram account doesn’t match my own name. For 10 years, I’ve been minalovesbows. People have come up to and me said, “Hi minalovesbows!” in certain situations. And now that my business is closed, who am I??

I took a poll in my Instagram stories and 80% of the people voted it was time for change. I probably feel about 80% ready to do it. There is that 20% that finds it bittersweet to let go of minalovesbows. But I know it’s time to do it. Now I just have to decide on the new moniker and that’s the hardest part. I asked my kids for help but if it was up to them, my new Instagram would be annalovesbutts so I have some more thinking to do. Without their help.